you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So much rum. So many feels.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
