i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
