I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
