sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
