I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
