okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
