dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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