I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
