I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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