I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
