you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
