You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
