Tell her she can't have a vagina
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We're too hungover to prance.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
