You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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