Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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