My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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