Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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