if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
