Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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