NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
