So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So apparently I’m into choking now
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