I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
please come you make the beer taste better
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
