Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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