All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
