Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
PS: I just woke up from my shower
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
