I'm so fucking centered right now
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
