I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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