so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
