Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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