this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
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