This house was built for laser tag.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
