the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize