No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
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He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
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my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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