Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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