I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize