I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
