I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
