dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
