I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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