You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
