my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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