it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
