I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Come share oat with me in your robe
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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