I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
