Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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