You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
