I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
