ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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