i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My vagina is very pro this idea
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