Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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