You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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