Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
