fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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