I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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