I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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