all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
