I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
