I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
