Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
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Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
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Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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