Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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