just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
