just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize