I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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