I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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