It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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