I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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