Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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